fear of asking for things

The fear of asking for things

Do you often find yourself not asking for certain things? For help? Are you afraid of what the answer might be? Or do you have the assumption that it won’t work out anyways so why even bother? The fear of asking for things might be standing in your way to excell. And this is how you can overcome this fear.

What happened when I didn’t start asking for things

Can you relate to what I wrote in the intro? Trust me, me too. The amount of times that I didn’t ask for certain things are countless. Im a typical “I can do this myself” person, fully thinking that I am capable of doing everything all of the time, which causes me stress in the end because I’m too overwhelmed. Or the amount of times where I do feel like asking for help, but then don’t do it because I have this conversation in my head that the other person doesn’t want to help me anyways. And the good old favorite: asking a guy to go out with me, because the fear of rejection is too high. So then I end up not doing it at all, which leaves me sitting alone on a Friday night (okay a little dramatic here, but you get the point).

What happened when I start asking for things

Here’s what I also did:

  • I did ask friends to help get the word out that I’m available for a new job instead of trying to do it all by myself. Result: I got a job.
  • I was being assertive by saying that I don’t like being informed on the last minute and asked if I good get more notice next time. Result: they really understood and apologized for it and gave me remuneration as well (extra bonus!).
  • I did ask a guy to go out with me (which was frightning as hell and I still don’t like doing this as I’m working on my insecurities). Result: he said yes and we had a great date.

Why you fear asking for things

The bottom line of all of this is: if you don’t ask, you won’t get it. In my language we have a saying that says: “You’ve got the No, you can get the Yes”. Meaning you always have the No wheter you ask for something or not. But the only way to get a yes is by actually asking. So why is it that we fear asking and not taking action?

  • You will be embarrassed or humiliated if rejected
  • You fear that if they say Yes, that you will have to return the favor somehow
  • You fear that the answer will be a definite No, so why even bother
  • You undermine your own confidence, believing that you are not worthy to actually receive the Yes
  • Your pride gets in the way when you associate the asking with begging
  • You have low self-esteem issues and think that your needs are not as important and you can go without it
  • You fear you might be judged for not having it already

Fear of rejection

Part of this fear lies in the fact of still receiving a No. And of course this will be true. There will be cases that you still will be rejected. And that feeling is not nice. But who will technically be rejected more? The person who will never ask for anything, or the person that asks but gets a No every now and then?

Start getting a Yes!

Because in the first case it is actually yourself who you are rejection and honestly, you don’t want to do that to yourself, right? So try to switch your mindset about it and start asking for things. You might get a No, but you will probably receive more Yesses, which probably gets a way higher percentage than you could imagine. And the more you ask, the more you train your pathway of feeling success, feeling confidence and the more the pathway of rejection and a low self-esteem will be less hightened or not even there at all.

What happens when you start asking for things

When I start asking for more things, I felt the energy shifting. I felt lighter, less stressful and more confident as I was trying this more and more. It is okay to ask for things. It will move you forward, it will get you to where you want to be and it will give you more things to learn from.

What are you going to ask for?

So my question for you today is: what will you ask for today? And it can be anything. Here are some examples:

  • Would you ask a stranger to grab a coffee with you?
  • Would you ask somebody to go to that exhibition that you really wanted to go to?
  • Would you ask somebody to help you to hold you accountable to go to the gym?
  • Would you ask somebody to treat you with more respect?
  • Would you ask for a pay raise?

What did you ask for today? I am going to ask you to share your question and experience in the comments below, or feel free to share it on Instagram @lifetoenjoyce or contact me through email info@lifetoenjoyce.nl.

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